Alright, I admit it—perhaps music is particularly significant to me and not you. However, it has the power to create an atmosphere, enhance a mood, evoke vivid memories, and provoke laughter or tears. It can inspire you to dance, listen more closely, and even search for the lyrics. Clearly, it holds great importance.
I went to see Bruce Springsteen the other night. It’s actually the third time I saw him. A friend of mine has seen him 50 + sometimes and got me on the bandwagon a few years ago. I saw him at National Stadium several years ago, and it was my first rock ‘n’ roll concert as a full fledged adult In my 50s. My normal go to are singer songwriters in sweet intimate events. People like the Citizen Cope, Gillian Welsch, The Indigo Girls, and Josh Ritter. More recently I’ve loved checking out lots and lots of Baltimore musicians ranging from folk, Americana, and even honky-tonk.
Bruce Springsteen is truly one of a kind. At 74 years old, he doesn’t simply sit with a guitar to play; instead, he engages an entire stadium of fans for three exhilarating hours. I'm amazed by how he maintains his energy and how his voice endures. I wouldn't label myself as a die-hard follower or fanatic. However, there is something about the songs he performed in the 70s and 80s that resonates with me deeply, pulling at my heartstrings like nothing else can.
There’s one in particular called thunder Road. I’m sure you’ve heard it!
About a year ago I watched an interview featuring Bruce and Howard Stern. When Bruce played the piano with the haunting notes of "Thunder Road," a wave of emotion swept over me. I began to weep, sobbing, an ugly cry. My husband glanced over, concerned, but upon understanding the tears, he chose to let the moment unfold. And then because he is an amazing parter, he learned to perform that very song for my 60th birthday. Sitting with his guitar, he sang for me in front of our family and friends, and once again, I wept! But why does this song stir such deep wells of emotion within me?
Talking to my hubby, I tried to explain the feelings of loss, nostalgia, and melancholy to him without it feeling like I somehow chose the wrong path. Because it’s not that feeling at all. It’s a feeling of youth being gone - really gone! It’s like when you’re young there’s a longing to have that person come to your porch and see you that clearly. To watch the door slam, to see your dress sway, to know what you’re thinking and feeling. And then take you away from it all.
But as we grow up, we realize life doesn’t work like that at all. That running away from it all because of romance or passion often ends in all sorts of big mistakes. When we completely follow our heart without using our head, it starts to smell like stale cigarettes and bad decisions - at least for me! We have to learn to use our heart and our head equally.
I think the tears over that song are a realization of that. That being solely heart driven, is what sometimes makes me continue pining for something that doesn’t exist. Some message in a song or a Hollywood movie where everything turns out perfectly because your hearts collide. That is not how life works. It’s definitely not how love works.
I often hear people lament about chemistry. They’ll talk about dating and say that everything aligned(they both want kids, they are both social justice warriors, they want to live in the same place, they both support and love their families) but there isn’t any chemistry.
I do understand that there has to be some sort of attraction or chemistry, but I also know that if you’re going into something for the long haul, there’s so many things that should outweigh chemistry!!! There should be shared values, and ability to work well together, and a partnership, not just a romance, where someone knocks your socks off in the bedroom, that stuff will wax and lean anyway. But someone who will bring you tea when you’re sick, do the night feeding of the baby, listen to you when you sound completely crazy because you have a newborn and you don’t know how to go out in the rain and get the mushrooms you need for the dinner you planned. Someone who will say “I’ll get the mushrooms!” I’ll take that over chemistry.
You see when I first met him, I wanted tall, dark, handsome, and emotionally unavailable. That is what I was used to. So when I met someone who wasn’t afraid to show how much he loved me . . .well there was no fight - no tension. So it SEEMED like there was no chemistry! I was so wrong!
I do have the best of both worlds. There is a chemistry to my relationship now. But I can’t say it was completely there when I got married.
One thing I knew for sure was that Jeff loved me. He was loyal to me. He had my back. That has never changed. But what has changed is I have fallen in love with him more and more as the years pass. Why? Because he’s proved again and again and again that he does have my back, does that he does that he accepts me and he went and got mushrooms that day. And so many days after that.
What happened in my life though is that I don’t need him the same way. I’ve grown and changed and healed, and the real testament to a relationship is surviving. I don’t need him the same way, and that hasn’t bruised his ego one little bit. He has this way of loving me and letting me go at the same time. Letting me live my life and dance into one new starstruck hobby after the other. He sang Thunder Road to me! He saw me – maybe the way Bruce did in Thunder Road as he watched Mary’s dress sway!
And although he and I have different tastes in movies and food and sometimes music. We’ve actually grown together in our love of music. Recently, we’ve put our love of music into supporting local artists around Maryland. We host house concerts. We charge $25 and make sure that all proceeds go to the artist.
Right before the first house concert he and I were sitting in the back of the room together, and he looked over at me and said “We’re hosting a fucking house concert!” I can’t tell you how my heart sang from sharing in that mutual excitement. It really is the little things! It’s being awake to those moments that make me sure I’ve chosen the right one!
It’s house concerts.
It’s going out in the rain for mushrooms.
xoxoxo
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